Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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