Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
