I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
