Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
