I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
