I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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