My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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