life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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