it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
