I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
