hotel room ftw
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
