considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
