I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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