i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
