so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
