she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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