ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
