Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
