Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
