the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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