she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
