I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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