I hate your face
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
