Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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