I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
