I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
