So drunk its hurt
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
