You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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