Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
