You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I intend to get homeless drunk
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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