Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
