That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
