it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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