Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
