Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
