He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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