At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
