Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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