i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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