god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
