dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
