I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
