im drinking this country out of the recession.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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