I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
