we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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