perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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