Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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