the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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