I feel like abortions should bother me more
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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