I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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