Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
